Dear Me: A Letter To My Pregnant Self 4 Years Ago

Dear Sweet and Naive Me,

Look at you over there, daydreaming and imagining what life will be like when that little baby enters this world. Because, hey you still have time to do that sort of thing.

I see you over there telling others how you have it figured out. How you must be at an advantage because you’ve worked with children your whole life. How you plan to get your pre-baby body back quickly and simply by just working out while the baby naps.

Duh.

I hear you telling yourself that it won’t all be easy, but you are “ready” for whatever comes your way.

Except the answer is you are NEVER ready! Ever. There is no way to know what is coming your way. How could you possibly ever know the roller coaster of emotion you are about to be on.

What real sleepless nights feel like. Seriously, months of nights in a row where you literally Do. Not. Sleep. How your hormones won’t even know what to do with themselves? How you will love your child with a passion that is greater than yourself, that you didn’t even know existed?

You can’t. How could you possibly know these things.

Those children you used to babysit and teach all those years ago. They weren’t yours. You got to give them back at the end of the day. You have no idea what it is like to be on 24/7.

How could you ever know what it’s like to have your baby rebel against sleep. Or that the only way to even get them to sleep is if you carry them everywhere. What was that you said about working out, again?

You think you know these things, but you have no idea.

Remember the days when you used to take uninterrupted showers? Yeah, those are gone. You’ll be lucky to even take a shower again. You should just invest in some good dry shampoo now, my friend. Because showers, yeah those are luxuries now.

Remember eating? You know, back when you got to actually got to sit down and put food in your mouth, like a normal person? Now it’s just a race to see how fast you can shove food into your face, with one hand while simultaneously singing nursery rhymes over and over. And bouncing a fussy baby in your arms. This ain’t the rookies, you are in the big leagues now, mama.

Remember Sleeping? You know, back when it was a choice if you were going to stay up late and get up early. Ain’t nobody got time for that! Babies don’t keep hours. I’ll bet you didn’t even know you could sleep with your eyes open. Oh, but you will my friend. You will.

Remember the ability to just get up and go? You know, the freedom to just get up and walk out of the door? I swear people will think you’re going on a trip with the amount of shit you pack just to go to the grocery store. I mean, do you really need your boppy? Really?

Oh, how I love your naivety. Your sweet and perfect ignorance. I wish I could go back. Back to warn you. And back to tell you, that despite how difficult it all seems. It really does get better. A lot better. It won’t last forever. Nothing ever does. And in the end, it will all be worth every sleepless night. Because what you have made. What you have created. Is all perfectly yours.

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